


ACT ??? PART ???

by cavedinwriter



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Benrey-Typical Dick Jokes, Best Frenemies to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, He/Himrey, Hurt/Comfort, I am going to create a plot implication that is so g-man, M/M, Temporary Character Death, but dont worry about it because this fic isnt about that, he gets better dw, inexplicable voids, updates frequently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28295193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cavedinwriter/pseuds/cavedinwriter
Summary: “We can go back.” Bubby said, drawing something out from his coat. Gordon squinted through the dark. He shone his flashlight on the object.“Oh, shit, that-”“The portal gun.” Dr. Coomer breathed from beside him.“Bring it.” Gordon said.He saw Bubby’s finger depress the trigger and bright green radiated out from the mouth of the gun. He felt energy reaching towards him, into him, past him, colliding with every cell in his body. He was getting torn apart cell by cell, atom by atom. The water around him melted away, and so did the arching stone walls and the sounds of gunfire and singing. His eyes were open and closed and many, he had hundreds of arms and fingers but still felt the ache at the base of his elbow, there were colors in his mind and spilling from his mouth and then there was nothing.-------------------Bubby sends Gordon back and it doesn't go as planned.
Relationships: Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 35
Kudos: 130





	1. Black into Back Mesa

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote one hlvrai fic this summer and then never posted anything I wrote for it ever again. Welcome back, me!  
> This one's actually almost complete already, so updates will be frequent.

“We can go back.” Bubby said, drawing something out from his coat. Gordon squinted through the dark. He shone his flashlight on the object.

“Oh, shit, that-”

“The portal gun.” Dr. Coomer breathed from beside him.

“Wait, so that’s what it did?” Gordon asked. His legs felt unsteady under him as he remembered Bubby’s reaction to using it.

“Yes,” Bubby backed up, “I need space. This’ll be a little trippy…”

“Send me back, Bubby.” Gordon stepped backwards too, sloshing through the liquid.

“It’ll be a little fucked up… But we’re going to have to take you back to the past.”

“Godspeed, Gordon.”

“Alright, one last warp.” He steeled himself, wincing as the water trembled from the force of Benrey’s voice.

“YOOO.” He called. Gordon looked over his shoulder at Benrey’s massive form. He cast a shadow over everything, arms and head raised to the ceiling. 

“Later, Benrey.” He said as Coomer fired a few fruitless shots towards him.

“Peace.”

“Bring it.” Gordon turned back to Bubby.

He saw Bubby’s finger depress the trigger and bright green radiated out from the mouth of the gun. He felt energy reaching towards him, into him,  _ past _ him, colliding with every cell in his body. He was getting torn apart cell by cell, atom by atom. The water around him melted away, and so did the arching stone walls and the sounds of gunfire and singing. His eyes were open and closed and many, he had hundreds of arms and fingers but still felt the ache at the base of his elbow, there were colors in his mind and spilling from his mouth and then there was nothing.

No sound, no light, no feeling.

The first thing he knew was Benrey. Not as in the first thing he saw again was Benrey, no. Benrey was there, in the darkness, beyond his eyelids. He could feel it.  _ Then _ he saw him. It almost felt strange, seeing him with normal proportions again, but there he was. Floating in the nothingness looking just as confused as Gordon felt. Gordon tried to say something but he hadn’t yet figured out where his mouth was and Benrey beat him to it.

“Yo, uh, I think Bubby fucked up.”

“Yeah.” The words came out before he could understand them. He clapped a hand over his mouth. Looking down, he realized his gun arm was gone, leaving him with a stump once again. He would’ve cried if he could remember how.

“What um. Your arm, what happened to it?”

“I fucking hate you.” Gordon spat, grabbing his arm with his left hand. Benrey frowned.

“Didn’t wanna do this, man. I told you you shoulda gone back.”

“Gone back to what? Black Mesa is- it’s fucked, man! There’s nothing fucking left.”

“If you hadn’t fucked the test up then maybe-”

“This is NOT my fault, Benrey,” Gordon shouted, “None of this is my fault! It’s all you and your stupid passport shit, why do I need my fucking passport for any of this? What kind of fucked up alien god cares so much about some sad idiot’s passport that he tries to  _ kill _ him over it?” His voice got eaten up by the void much faster than he expected, making him feel small. Benrey sat through it all unblinking.

“I didn’t want to.” He looked down at his feet. 

“What?” Some of the venom drained out of Gordon.

“Said I didn’t wanna. Told you from the b- ages ago, man. We used to be such good friends.”

“We were never friends, Benrey, we just  _ met _ .”

“See you tell me that I shouldn’t be- that I can’t be mad but you don’t even remember me.” Benrey said, and holy shit was he getting choked up? His voice sounded thick and his eyes were shining. 

“Benrey?” He didn’t like how shaky his voice came out. Benrey sniffed.

“I told you. I told you didn't wanna… I didn’t wanna do this. Didn’t wanna shoot back, but you kept attacking me. I had to shoot back.”

“What the fuck else could we have done?”

“Go home.” Benrey said helplessly.

“Benrey, I don’t even remember where home is. I can’t just- I can’t just go back and pretend everything is normal. Hell, for all I know if Bubby sent me back properly I’d just have to fucking… live through the resonance cascade all over again. Black Mesa isn’t…” He waved his arms, looking for the right words.

“S’not working like it’s supposed to.” Benrey supplied. Gordon looked at him.

“...Yeah.”

“So you can’t go back.” He said finally. Gordon nodded, his own throat feeling tight. Neither of them spoke for a long, long time. He looked past Benrey to see if there was anything out there, but trying to puzzle anything out of the darkness made his head hurt.

“How are we gonna get out of here?” He asked after a while. Benrey’s eyes refocused.

“Dunno.”

“Fuck.”

“Bubby sent you back to get your passport or sumn, right?” 

“Yeah, I guess, but there's nothing here.”

“Maybe we gotta. Kiss and make up or some shit.” Benrey laughed hollowly. Normally, Gordon would laugh or groan, but it kinda made sense.

“I guess. Maybe the- I mean, I have no idea what’s going on, but maybe if we agree to…  _ something _ , it’ll get us out of here.”

“Uh. Yeah. Maybe.”

“So, what are we gonna do?” Gordon felt a little more energized at having a plan. Well, half a plan.

“Ummm, I think if you don’t- You’re gonna need that passport.”

“Fucking still? Jesus, okay.” Gordon rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, gotta get that shit. Destroy it. Letcha out.”

“Aren’t you… trying to stop me from doing that?”

“Myeah, but. I think the only other way out is if I-” Benrey stopped. He swallowed hard, “If I kill you. “

“Oh.” He breathed. Benrey looked uncomfortable.

“So uh. Passport. Gonna get that shit, gonna destroy it, problem solved for ya. Deal?” Benrey said quickly. Gordon narrowed his eyes.

“What’s gonna happen to you?”

“We got a deal or not, bro.”

“Just answer the-”

“C’mon, man, time’s of the- um, running out.” Benrey spoke over him. Gordon groaned with frustration.

“Fine! Fine, fine, deal! De-”

The same strange feeling filled Gordon once again but it was over faster. Instead of dropping him in a void, bright fluorescent lights filled his vision as he crashed onto hard metal flooring. He gasped at the sudden rush of sensations after such a lack of them. His arm was back- his arm was back? Holy shit, he flexed his hand and turned it over. It was the first time in a jumble of days that he hadn’t been in pain. He looked back up.

“Oh my god,” He wheezed, “I’m back at Black Mesa.” He stared down the hallway at the reception desk.

“Yooo, look at that.”

“Benrey? Oh, shit.” Gordon hauled himself to his feet. Benrey was looking around in wonder.

“I didn’t know it would- I thought you’d. Uh.”

“What?”

“Didn’t think I’d come with you.” Benrey had an uneasy look on his face.

“Well, yeah. We gotta destroy my passport. C’mon, you said time’s running out right?” Gordon started down the hallway. Benrey stayed put.

“Uhh. I mean it’s not that- we can just uh, chill. Moment of peace.” 

“I really just want to get this over with.” Gordon frowned. Benrey hummed out a note; a dusty purple that drifted towards the ceiling.

“Mmm. Yeah.” Benrey shrugged and followed. Gordon continued into the foyer.

It was empty and spotless. The silence was eerie, broken only by his and Benrey’s boots and the buzz of fluorescent lights. Gordon felt like he was in a dream as he walked the familiar hallways. It was cleaner than he’d ever seen Black Mesa, almost shining. It strained his eyes. Benrey seemed unbothered. They came to the first door and Benrey stopped, swallowing audibly.

“Hey this is uhm, where you had your dick out.”

“What?” Gordon snapped out of his dreamlike state.

“Yeah, didn’t- you weren’t listening when I said it, but you had your dick out. Ruining my fuckin- my shift was supposed to be cool. Let you in, passport, whatever. But yo- yo dick out.”

“I- Benrey, can we not go through this again? Please?” He begged, “It didn’t make sense the first time and honestly I feel like if I have to think about one more thing I’m gonna pass out.”

“Fine. Just um. This is… where it started,” Benrey stared at his feet, “This is the beginning. Of the uh, the fucks. The fuck-ups.”

Gordon swallowed. His arm throbbed. He put his other hand up to it absently. 

“Yeah. I guess so, huh.”

“Mmm.”

Gordon turned back to the door, trying to bring himself back to the matter at hand.

“Benrey, can you do the door thing?” He asked. Benrey blinked.

“Wha. Um. Yeah, right. Yeah.” He plodded slowly over to the scanner and used it. The door slid open more smoothly than it ever had.

He felt Benrey hanging close behind him as they wandered. His arm throbbed again as he poked his head into the breakroom. The microwave and vending machines were empty and the chairs were neat at the table. It looked completely untouched. He ducked back out of the room. He wanted to get to his passport as soon as he could and finally,  _ finally _ be done with things. 

Benrey’s presence behind him was prickling and heavy. He couldn’t even see him out of the corner of his eye, but since earlier he’d been able to feel him. It wasn’t suffocating like it had been before. He didn’t like how much comfort it brought him. Despite the emptiness, he wasn’t alone.

The door to the locker room slid open and Gordon was already stepping inside. Benrey hung back and watched. After taking a few more steps, Gordon halted and turned around.

“Are you coming?” He asked with a frown.

“Yeah. Sorry.” Benrey lingered a second longer before shuffling into the locker room. It was just as pristine as the rest of Black Mesa, with shining nameplates on most of the lockers reading “Dr. Coomer”. 

“What’s your deal, man?” Gordon took a step towards him. Benrey’s mouth went dry.

“What?”

“You’re stalling, aren’t you,” Gordon gave a low chuckle, “I thought you wanted to ‘kiss and make up’, huh?”

“I do.” He said, hoping the emotion came across in his voice. He couldn’t tell if it did and Gordon’s sour face gave no indication.

“Yeah? How do I know you’re not gonna- I dunno, trap me in some fucked up passport dimension?” He said. Benrey barked out a laugh.

“I wh- I can’t-”

“Don’t laugh at me!” Gordon’s face grew red.

“G- I didn’t put us here. I can’t… s’not like I can do anything about it. I just have to uh,” He held up his hands with his fingers crossed, “Hope for the best. Leap of faith. Uhhh, passport of faith.”

“What are you talking about.” Gordon wheezed, some of the tension draining out of his shoulders.

“I’m… wanna get this shit over with too. I’m just. I’malittlescaredbutit’sokay.” He looked to the side. Gordon’s eyes widened.

“Why are you scared?” Gordon took another step forward. Benrey felt claustrophobic, “What’s gonna happen?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t know? Benrey, we are fucking- we are separated from goddamn  _ everyone _ . We are completely alone. The only person I can trust- I have to trust you, Benrey. And I don’t want to. I really don’t want to have to trust you, but I do. If you know something, I need you to tell me. For my sanity,  _ please _ .” His hands were shaking. 

Benrey pursed his lips. Gordon looked pitiful. He was shuddering, his eyes were wet, clutching at his right arm. It was the most panicked he’d ever seen him- No, panicked wasn’t even the right word. He looked broken. There wasn’t any more room for bullshit. Gordon wasn’t supposed to be here. He wasn’t supposed to be in any of this mess but he was, and now Benrey had to fix it. 

Gordon had to fix it, rather. Benrey had to do what was needed for Gordon to do that.

“I… don’t think I’m gonna make it. Uh, game over for Benrey. Haha.” Benrey tried for a chuckle. Gordon’s face twisted.

“What?”

“You heard me bro. Destroy the passport, beat the boss. Um, go home. Get the cake. All that shit.”

“I…”

“Y’were gonna do it anyway. Just gotta um, do it up close and personal. Probably better this way, right? Don’t hafta… the others don’t have to see it.”

“Whoah whoah whoah, Benrey, shut up for a second. Destroying the passport is gonna kill you?”

“Uhh, yeah, duh,” He gave a watery smile, “It’s cool though.”

“Benrey…” Gordon sat down on one of the benches, “Holy shit, man.”

“I mean. You were ready to do it anyway. Had that whole uh, gun arm n everything. Bang bang.”

“I guess. Man, I just- like you said, it’s… personal.”

Benrey’s throat was tight. He wanted to put a hand on Gordon’s shoulder and give him some sort of comfort. He knew it wouldn’t go over well, though, and anyway why did he want to comfort Gordon? He was the one who was going to… Yeah. Gordon stared at the floor as Benrey walked past him to his locker.

The door slid open. He was dimly aware of Gordon lifting his head behind him. Inside was nearly empty. No stock photo in a frame, no jacket hanging from a hanger. Just his passport, spinning slowly in the center of the floor. He reached out and grabbed it. 

The surge of power it gave him made his head spin, but he forced himself to stay grounded. He wasn’t here to win anymore. His hands shook as he walked back over to Gordon.

“Uhm, yo. Here comes the train, choo choo.” Benrey held the passport out to him. Gordon’s face was unreadable. He took it from Benrey and then looked back up.

“I don’t have my gun anymore. What do I um…” he trailed off with a gesture. Benrey frowned.

“Oh yeah. Um, here, I got this. Just uh, don’t freak out. And also sorry.”

“What? Oh-AUGH! Fuck!” Gordon dropped the passport and fell backwards, clutching his arm. 

“Sorry.” Benrey shrank in on himself. Gordon looked down at his arm. His gun arm was back.

“How the fuck did you do that?” He panted.

“Uh… passport.” He shrugged. Gordon stared at the passport on the floor.

“Huh. Fucking. Okay, I guess, I’m too tired to question you right now. So… This is it, huh.” He aimed his gun at the passport on the floor. Benrey bit his lip.

“Yeah.”

Gordon fired at the passport until it lay in tatters. Benrey felt something inside of him crumple. He tried his best to stay standing and keep his face neutral even as he began to sweat. Gordon stood up slowly. Now that Benrey was back in more-or-less human form, Gordon towered over him. He didn’t want to die.

The fact that Gordon was hesitating made his stomach turn. It would be better if he just got it over with. He’d died before and it wasn’t pleasant, but he could do it again. He just… wouldn’t come back this time. Easy. It should’ve been easy, should’ve been easy because Gordon hated him. He was always talking about how much he wanted Benrey dead. It hurt, but the waiting was worse.

“You-” His voice broke so he tried again, “You gonna do it, bro?”

“Yeah, yeah, just…” Gordon shifted, then slowly raised his arm. Benrey shut his eyes. He hadn’t said nearly all that he wanted to- he didn’t even know the words to say half of it. If he just had more time, maybe he could make Gordon understand what he felt.

It wouldn’t do shit, wouldn’t convince Gordon not to kill him because nothing would, but maybe he could understand. They were always misunderstanding each other, Benrey never said what he wanted to and Gordon hated him for it but if he could just tell him-

“Wait-” He started.

There was a burst of light and sound in front of his closed lids and then nothing. No pain, no thoughts, no sensations.

Gordon felt himself get torn apart again. This time it was even worse. He was completely and utterly alone as his body moved in a thousand separate pieces through a void. Benrey was gone, he’d killed him for good, he didn’t have to deal with that fucker ever again- But what had he been about to say? He couldn’t remember Benrey’s voice. He couldn’t remember anything except for his mouth opening before Gordon fired. Black Mesa was a shiny blur in his mind, so was Xen, so were Bubby and Dr. Coomer and Tommy and Darnold and Forzen, falling into each other and mixing like clay. And Benrey was gone.

He was a hole in the center of Gordon’s mind, like the chalk outline of a body on pavement. The dirt and blood and meilu didn’t reach it.  _ What had he been about to say? _

When his body pulled itself back together again, it hurt so badly he nearly collapsed. He felt like a dying star, folding up into a tiny, dense pinprick of light before exploding into reality again. It took him a full minute to become aware of his surroundings again. When he did, he almost sobbed. He was back in the fucking traincar to Black Mesa. It wasn’t over, it would never be over, it was just a goddamn loop and he was stuck fore-

Was that ...Tommy’s dad? And outside the windows was a void full of stars, not the usual gray walls of Black Mesa. He wobbled to his feet. Mr. Coolatta gave him a flat smile.

“Gordon... Freeman, in the flesh…”


	2. Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Gordon Freeman returned home for the first time in days, the first thing he did was cry. He sobbed until his eyes were dry and his head throbbed, and then he lay shivering on his sheets until he lost track of reality. Not even the faint beeping of the HEV suit reminding him he was low on fluids could pull him back. Head aching and mind empty, Gordon drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's not too long or plot-heavy but I think it's important we know what Gordon gets up to :)

When Gordon Freeman returned home for the first time in days, the first thing he did was cry. Throughout the goddamn  _ ordeal _ of Black Mesa, he hadn’t ever cried. It honestly surprised him. He was a fairly expressive guy, and wasn’t afraid to cry. He just… never had the time in Black Mesa. Now he was alone,  _ blessedly fucking alone _ , and he cried his eyes out.

He sobbed until his eyes were dry and his head throbbed, and then he lay shivering on his sheets until he lost track of reality. Not even the faint beeping of the HEV suit reminding him he was low on fluids could pull him back. Head aching and mind empty, Gordon drifted off.

His dreams were empty. No appearances from anyone who wasn’t supposed to be there, no goddamn video games, just quiet sleep. When he woke up, he lay there for what must’ve been an hour before hauling himself upright. He didn’t know how long he’d slept for since he hadn’t bothered to look at a clock when he first came home. The HEV suit weighed him down as he plodded to the bathroom, and he itched to get it off. He almost cried when he realized that he  _ could _ , he didn’t need it anymore.

Getting the HEV suit off by himself took some work, but after some struggling and a rather clever use of a toothbrush, he managed. Goosebumps raised on his skin the moment the air hit him. He ran a hand down his bare arm and winced. It  _ hurt _ . He moved the suit as carefully as he could to the corner of the bathroom, then grabbed the softest clothes he could find and went to the shower. 

The water felt strange as it hit his skin, but it wasn’t so unbearable that he couldn’t get in. Scrubbing felt like hell, so he let the water run over his body until he was passably clean. He’d have to take a proper shower later, but his skin was far too sensitive to be scrubbed at the moment. He took the time to clean his hair, though, and time it indeed took. It was matted with dried blood and he had to snap his hair tie to get it out of his hair. It took what felt like hours to get it in reasonable shape, even with the help of a hairbrush and far too much conditioner. Eventually, he deemed it good enough, and got out of the shower.

The fresh clothes felt amazing on his (somewhat) clean skin. All he really wanted to do was get back in bed and sleep some more, but his stomach protested. When was the last time he ate a proper meal? His memory blurred when he tried to think about it, so he pushed it out of mind and headed into the kitchen. He flicked on the lightswitch and immediately the bulb burst. Gordon jumped back at the sudden flash, heart racing. It took a moment for him to calm down and realize he was safe. He tried to slow his breathing as he went to the window and pulled open the blinds. The natural light helped a lot.

Opening his fridge was… surprisingly okay. The milk that had already been on the way out before the incident smelled awful and the lunchmeat looked slimy, but there was nothing that looked like it would kill him. After everything, that was all he could ask for. He dumped the milk down the sink and tossed the carton and got rid of everything else that looked old. It left him with a decent amount to work with, at least until he could go grocery shopping again. He decided to go with a simple grilled cheese since he wasn’t sure he had anything fancier in him.

It definitely wasn’t the best things he’d ever made, or even the best grilled cheese. But compared to the lingering taste of soda in his mouth, it was heaven. He wolfed it down and then made another one which he ate with equal speed. Soon he realized that he was also severely lacking in the fluids department, which the HEV suit had been so kindly trying to tell him before he collapsed the night before. He downed a good few glasses of water before it all started catching up with him again. Not bothering to clean up his plate or cup, he crawled back into bed.

Sleep didn’t overtake him as quickly this time, despite how full he was. Laying there he found the last few seconds with Benrey replaying in his head. His voice sounded far away and muffled, and when Gordon tried to remember exactly what he said, he couldn’t.

It jumbled together with every other conversation with Benrey, half-finished thoughts and ramblings that didn’t make any sense, talking about Heavenly Sword and game over and… Nothing. There was still a hole in his memory where Benrey was supposed to be. He’d lost people before and already knew how uncomfortably quickly his memories of faces faded. This felt different. It felt like Benrey’s image had been extracted from his mind. He could still picture him if he tried hard enough, a vague blue and gray shape under his eyelids and a rumbling voice, but it made his head spin. 

He rolled over and buried his face in a pillow. He didn’t need to think about Benrey, he just needed to sleep. Sleep for a long, long fucking time and forget about everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See u soon for more Fun And Action(aka actual plot lol)


	3. The Golden Grin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon’s brain was running a mile a minute as he checked and rechecked his supplies; He counted his ammo and made sure he knew what was in each bag, mentally trying to keep track of everything as much as he could. He settled into his seat, hand coming to rest on the bag on his lap to ease his nerves. It was fine. His eyes fluttered shut for barely a second before he heard the familiar sound of warping. He gasped and opened his eyes to find Benrey sitting across from him in the back of the van. What. The. Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't seen the ACAB stream, I'm pulling the location from it, as well as a tiny bit of the dialogue in the beginning of the chapter. It's canon-divergent otherwise though! Enjoy :)

Gordon’s brain was running a mile a minute as he checked and rechecked his supplies; He counted his ammo and made sure he knew what was in each bag, mentally trying to keep track of everything as much as he could. Bubby and Tommy’s excited chatter did little to help and he tried his best to keep from snapping at them.

“Hey, guys? Can you- I’m trying to keep track of our shit, could you maybe give it a rest for a second?”

“Everything’s- we have all our supplies, Mr. Freeman!”

“I’m keeping track of everything with my HUD, Gordon.” Dr. Coomer announced. Gordon glanced at his bag.

“So I don’t need… to keep track of things.”

“Not at all! You just completely wasted the last 5 minutes.”

“Great,” He sighed, leaning back, “Great. Darnold, you got an ETA for the casino or what? I hate just sitting here.” He peered anxiously out of the tinted windows as if it would give him any clues.

“Umm, should be there very soon. Just, hang tight!”

“Alright.” He settled into his seat, hand coming to rest on the bag on his lap to ease his nerves. It was fine. His eyes fluttered shut for barely a second before he heard the familiar sound of warping. He gasped and opened his eyes to find Benrey sitting across from him in the back of the van. What. The.  _ Fuck _ .

“Hey. What’s up.” Benrey said, looking almost as startled as Gordon was. Gordon instinctively pressed himself further against the wall of the van to get away.

“Ohhh no, noo fucking way,” He breathed, trying to keep the hysterical edge out of his voice, “Why? Hey.”

“Look Gordon, it’s Benrey!” Tommy gestured as if Gordon couldn’t clearly see him sitting in front of him. 

“Look Gordon, it’s security officer Benny!”

“So you got your dick in your pants this time?” Benrey leaned back, eyeing Gordon with an unreadable expression.

“I do,” He nodded slowly, trying to process just what the fuck was going on, “I got my dick in my pants… and I’m… not happy!” His voice pitched up at the end. The van pulled slowly to a stop. His brain was moving even faster, the stress not helped by Benrey suddenly showing up(How, how, he was dead, Gordon killed him, he looked him in the  _ goddamn face _ while he killed him, why wasn’t he dead?”

“Come along, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer said, climbing out of the van and grabbing his bag. Gordon slid out of his seat.

As they unpacked their supplies, Gordon kept an uneasy eye on Benrey. He was sticking close to Tommy and hadn’t… tried anything yet. Gordon didn’t have a clue  _ what _ he’d be trying to do, but he was fucking suspicious. He was supposed to be dead.  _ Perma _ -dead. Benrey had said it himself. When their supplies were all unpacked, Gordon turned back to the group and sighed. He pursed his lips.

“Okay. I’m- I’m starting to come to terms with the fact that Benrey’s here,” He ran a hand through his hair. Benrey’s gaze immediately flicked to him, “ _ Maybe _ I can accept that.”

“You should. ...I mean, I mean if anything I should be upset.” Benrey shifted his weight. Gordon furrowed his brow.

“Is he not- is he not dead?” Gordon looked at the others, “Tommy, we should talk to your dad about this, when we get the chance. I think he should know about this.” Benrey’s expression darkened and he shrank in on himself a little.

“Benrey says he knows all the- the tips and tricks of robbing a bank!” Tommy said.

“Is that enough value to… kinda forget about everything that’s happened to us? Just for some tips?”

“What happened?” Benrey said instantly. Gordon clenched his prosthetic fist on instinct.

“It happened, man, and I’m not forgetting.” He gritted out. The others met him with silence, sensing the mood turning sour. Benrey rocked back and forth on his heels.

“Umm…… Okay? Whatever?” He said. The rage bubbling inside of Gordon’s chest came out as it often did towards Benrey as a gasp of laughter. He clenched his jaw trying to keep it in and looked away. He was faintly aware of Benrey walking past him down the sidewalk. 

“We have Benrey now, we can go!” Tommy said. Gordon groaned but straightened up.

“Yeah, we’re ready.” He followed after the others with resignation.

The casino sat at the end of a long driveway and the walk up wasn’t insignificant, especially with the van parked far enough away as to not be conspicuous. The walk gave Gordon a bit of time to process. Memories that he’d accepted as fading away were suddenly flooding back into his brain. It was all he could do to follow the others and not veer off into the road.

He remembered the harsh lights of Black Mesa burning into his eyes as he hauled himself off the floor, remembered Benrey there too. Benrey’s face, expressionless as always as he handed Gordon’s passport over. His eyes falling shut as the smoke curled out of the mouth of his gun, the pieces of his passport on the floor. Those eyes screwing closed even tighter as Gordon raised his gun again, his mouth opening and-

“This club is just for me.” Benrey called as they walked up the front steps, snapping Gordon back to reality so fast it hurt. The lights around him were too bright.

“No it’s not- It’s for all of us, we all get a piece.” He said. He was glad that he was apparently capable of slipping into banter-with-Benrey mode on autopilot so he didn’t have to think about this shit anymore. All he had to do was focus on the robbery and be as normal as possible with Benrey.

Easier said than done when Benrey started asking a man at the slot machine for coins. Gordon groaned and turned away. Benrey continued trying to antagonize him at the slot machines, but Gordon had to admit it felt a lot less unnerving than he remembered. Maybe Benrey was going easy on him because he knew he fucked up. ...Or maybe he was trying to get Gordon to let his guard down. When he wandered away after clearly losing the slot machine, Gordon didn’t follow.

They all made their way outside to where the guitar case held more supplies. Gordon filled the empty space in his bag and then took a moment to breathe. Benrey was there, but that was fine. He could hold his own, so Gordon didn’t have to worry about him. All he had to do was focus on getting in and out without getting hurt. He’d done it a few times before now.

It honestly started off better than he could’ve hoped. Benrey didn’t get in his way which left him only minimally freaked out by his presence and the police were easy to deal with. Eventually, though, he and Benrey ended up backed up in a hallway with a new SWAT team rolling in.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m out of bullets! I’m out of bullets!” His voice rose as he patted his pockets, looking for more ammo. Nothing.

“Watch your head-” Benrey called, shoving him to the side. He let out a yelp as he steadied himself against the wall.

“What the fuck, man?” He whipped around to look at Benrey but was met with a loud cracking sound and a SWAT soldier collapsed at his feet. He gaped and looked at Benrey who had a boot firmly planted in the chest of the soldier. His gun smoked. His eyes dragged back up to Gordon.

“Uh. Need some of this?” Benrey chucked a new magazine at Gordon, who fumbled and caught it.

“Oh, shit, yeah.”

“Try not to die maybe?” He said as he turned away and fired another shot at the approaching SWAT team. Gordon reloaded his gun as fast as he could with shaking hands. 

When they finished off the last of the SWAT team in that hallway Gordon slumped back against the wall. He pushed his mask out of the way so he could wipe the sweat off his face. He felt Benrey’s eyes on him as he caught his breath.

“Fucking- what, what do you want?” He gasped.

“Whu? Nothing.” He looked away. Gordon frowned and slid his mask back on. It was stifling underneath, but far better than trying to force his expression to be neutral around Benrey. He stayed leaning against the wall and listened for any footsteps approaching. It was silent except for the distant sounds of gunfire from the others.

He watched as Benrey methodically reloaded his guns. He made slow, neat work of it, his hands much steadier than Gordon’s. It reminded him of a lot of Benrey’s movements. Slow, sometimes jerky but always getting where he needed to go(Which in many cases was way too goddamn close to Gordon, but oh well). 

Their very last conversation was playing on his mind again. A lot of things were, in fact. Benrey’s big boss speech. His quiet hesitation as they went back to the locker room of Black Mesa. The tremble in his hand as he handed Gordon his passport. Gordon felt his throat tighten. What had Benrey been about to say?

He cleared his throat as he hauled himself back to his full height. Benrey’s head snapped around to him, wide eyes fixed on him. Gordon started out of the hallway, not sure if Benrey would follow. He didn’t, and Gordon found himself alone in the back room of the casino. There were leftover SWAT supplies strewn around and after taking some for himself he realized there was enough for the others.

“Hey, ammo in the back if anybody needs it. Uh, back left.” He said through the brain-bug.

“‘M all full up.” Benrey replied.

“I know  _ you _ are, asshole, I was talking to the others.” Gordon rolled his eyes even though Benrey couldn’t see.

“Th-Thank you Mr. Freeman, I’ll be right over! My gun’s um, empty as a pond on a winter’s day.”

“Tommyyyy. You shoulda seen the- Gordon’s face, nearly fuckin died. Had to blast someone just to keep him from beefin’ it. Dumbass.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault! I was out of bullets!”

“I’m glad you didn’t die, Mr. Freeman.” Tommy said, the sound coming both through the parasite and as Tommy ran in through the door. Gordon smiled as he came in. 

“Thanks. Me too, actually. Benrey did kinda- did kinda save me there.”

“Lame that you can die, man. Puh, gotta put godmode on like the rest of us.”

“I- I can’t  _ do _ that Benrey, I’m a human. And anyway,” He said, something a little mean bubbling out of him, “Last I checked you could die too.”

Silence. He immediately regretted his words, the meanness shrinking into a twisting sliver of guilt that made his knees weak. Tommy glanced at him out of the corner of his eye as he reloaded. He kept waiting for Benrey to say something while he reloaded, quip back or insult him, but he stayed silent. Gordon swore quietly to himself.

“Hey, Tommy?” He asked after a while.

“Yes, Mr. Freeman?”

“You said earlier- you said that Benrey knows all the tips and tricks. Were you- have you been talking to him?” 

“Oh,” Tommy looked at the floor, “Well, I’m not sup- Um.”

“Tommy, if you know something about why Benrey is here, I need you to tell me.” Gordon took his mask off. Tommy looked back at him, conflict clear on his face.

“Well I um- I don’t really know why he’s back, or h-how. But I know he doesn’t want to hurt anyone,” A faint cackle mixed with gunfire echoed through the hallway and Gordon squinted. Tommy laughed nervously, “N-Not any of us.”

“How do you know? He could be lying! He lies all the time!”

“He d- he doesn’t, lie, Mr. Freeman.”

“Yes he does! He fucking betrayed me,  _ us _ , please don’t tell me you forgot about that.” Gordon stamped his foot. Tommy looked uncomfortable.

“That's, um, different from lying though, Mr. Freeman.”

“I-” Gordon threw his head back, “Yeah, I guess it is. Of course you’d use that against me.” He groaned.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Freeman.” He said quietly. Gordon sighed.

“I’m not… mad at you, Tommy. I’m sorry. You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s just… I dunno. I’m trying not to be freaked out by the fact that he’s back, but how the hell am I supposed to do that? Even  _ he _ thought he was dying for- for real.” He swallowed. He wished the memories of that conversation would leave him alone.

“I th- think it’s okay to be freaked out. Um, I would be too if I, didn’t know Benrey. But I think he’s also freaked out, and it’s not- it's no good if you’re both um, being scared at each other.”

Gordon’s stomach twisted. Tommy was staring at him, something earnest in his eyes that made him feel even worse about… fucking everything. He leaned his head against the wall.

“...Man, we should talk more,” Gordon shut his eyes. Tommy laughed, “You make the most sense out of goddamn anybody here. You’re probably right about him. I just… man, I don’t know. Whatever.” He shook his head. Tommy looked like he was about to say something when they were interrupted.

“Bad news, boys! I’d say we have about 10 more seconds before we’re in dire need of backup.” Dr. Coomer’s voice came through the parasite. Gordon went rigid.

“What?!”

“Hurry!” Bubby shouted. Tommy was already racing out of the room and Gordon rushed to follow him.

“Where are you guys?” He said, looking around in panic.

“Top floor!” Bubby yelled. Gunfire broke out from above him and he ran up the stairs. Tommy was already on the scene, firing shot after shot into the heads of approaching SWAT members. Gordon did his best to keep up but he was no match for Tommy. With their backup, Bubby and Dr. Coomer seemed to be holding their own. In fact, at one point Coomer threw down his gun and knocked several skulls in with his brass knuckles, cackling the entire time. It brought a strange but familiar grin to Gordon’s lips. Benrey was nowhere to be seen.

“Just like Black Mesa, eh Dr. Coomer?” He shouted over the gunfire.

“Indeed! Gordon, I feel powerful!” He all-but screamed as he took down another SWAT member. 

The heat of combat made all his conflicting thoughts about Benrey dissipate. He fell back into the rhythm of shoot, reload, shoot, reload so quickly it would’ve frightened him if he’d stopped to think. There was no room for thinking, though, so he blasted his way through SWAT member after SWAT member, and when he ran out of bullets again clobbered the next one to come towards him with the butt of his rifle. 

“Hey guys, you got this covered?” He shouted, “I need to go find some more ammo.”

“We’ve got it!” Bubby yelled back. Gordon nodded and then scanned his surroundings. The others were blocking the stairs so he couldn’t go back the way he came. Maybe he could go down one of the nearby halls, or- there! The windows that overlooked the awning to the courtyard were open. He climbed through the nearest one and sat down to catch his breath, glancing over the sill. Nobody had followed him, and the courtyard below was empty.

After he caught his breath he shuffled to the edge of the awning and judged the drop. It wasn’t too high, and if he managed to angle himself right he could probably grab onto one of the support poles and slow his descent. He hauled himself awkwardly until he was halfway over the edge, then ripped off his mask and tossed it down ahead of him. It was making climbing more difficult than it needed to be. 

He managed to latch onto the support pole with his legs and lowered the rest of his body as slowly as he could to meet it. One of his legs slipped and he tumbled to the ground, cursing loudly. He’d been far enough down not to injure himself, but the soles of his feet burned from impacting the ground. He sat against the base of the pole and shut his eyes while he gathered himself again.

“Wow uhhh, little clumsy huh? Lil clumsy boy?” His eyes snapped open. Benrey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Benrey.


	4. Second Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part of Gordon's brain screamed at him to do whatever he needed to get the answer out of him. Whatever it took in order to find out what he was going to say before he died the last time. For all he knew, once they were done robbing the casino Benrey would disappear again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's a little chunkier wooha!! its also the last chapter so i hope u enjoy! sorry it took me a little longer to get this one out, i have been. very busy

_ “Wow uhhh, little clumsy huh? Lil clumsy boy?” His eyes snapped open. Benrey. _

“God fucking damnit.” He groaned, knocking his head back against the pole.

“What’s wrong. Hurt your- hurt your feet or something? Fell off the roof like an idiot.” Benrey taunted. His voice sounded a little odd.

“Shut up.” Gordon grunted. When Benrey didn’t respond and instead sniffed, Gordon cracked his eyes open and properly took in Benrey’s appearance.

He stood a few feet away, lit from behind by the setting sun while his hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. His eyes bored into Gordon, but it didn’t feel threatening or condescending. Now that Gordon’s eyes were adjusting to the light, he noticed something wrong with him. Benrey’s eyes were a little bit puffy, and there he went sniffing again. His face was flushed, too.

“Benrey, were you crying?” The words came out of his mouth before he could think and Benrey stiffened.

“What? What kinda fuckin- no, I don’t- I never cry. Nuh, never cried ever.” He crossed his arms and stepped back. Gordon stood up, leaving his mask on the ground.

“I mean, it’s okay if you were. Crying’s good, man.” He said. Benrey looked at him suspiciously.

“Crying’s… baby shit. ‘M not a baby.” He sniffed. Gordon chuckled.

“I’m not a baby, but you know what the first thing I did when I got home after-”  _ After killing you _ , his brain supplied, “After Black Mesa? I cried my goddamn eyes out.”

“Wh- no way,” Benrey cracked a smile, “Baby Freeman.”

“It’s good for you!” He protested, “It’s good to let that shit out. Otherwise you just bottle it up, and then it’s not good for you.”

Benrey didn’t look convinced, hugging his arms tightly and casting a suspicious look at Gordon. His face was as blank as ever, but somethin about the way he shifted his weight back and forth as Gordon approached made his heart twist. He mulled the events of the day over in his brain as they stood facing each other in the dying light. Other than his usual ribbing, Benrey had seemed like he was trying to be nice. Whatever ‘nice’ was in his book, anyway. Gordon hadn’t exactly been responding in kind. To be fair, he figured he deserved it, but hey. Benrey was clearly in a vulnerable place here, he could try to be nice.

“Hey… If you wanna talk about it, I guess I’m here? There's nobody trying to kill us, so…” He glanced around to double check. Benrey hugged himself tighter and broke eye contact. He drifted over to a bench and sat down.

“Don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Okay. Okay, that’s cool.” Gordon took a step back, nodding. Part of his brain screamed at him to do whatever he needed to get the answer out of him. Whatever it took in order to find out what he was going to say before he died the last time. For all he knew, once they were done robbing the casino Benrey would disappear again. The other part remembered Tommy’s words. He needed to be gentle. He could probably still get answers that way anyway.

A long silence stretched out between them as Gordon tried to figure out what to say. Benrey didn’t look at him the entire time, just stared at the concrete beneath his feet. Finally, he took a breath to speak.

“Can I ask you something?” He said. Benrey picked at the end of his sleeve.

“Uhhh. Okay.”

“What were you… what were you going to say?” Gordon swallowed thickly, “Before I… you know.”

“Huh?” Benrey lifted his head. Gordon bit back the urge to snap at him.

“Come on, you  _ have _ to remember that.”

“What? You gotta um, be more specific.” Benrey cocked his head.

“Before I  _ killed _ you, Benrey.”

Benrey’s mouth hardened into a flat line. He didn’t look like he was going to speak any time soon, but Gordon wasn’t ready to drop it. The thoughts had been plaguing his mind the entire evening. What was so important that Benrey had forgotten to say?

“I was gonna say…” Benrey started but his voice broke. He cleared his throat and tried again, “I was gonna say that I was… sorry. About. Y’know. Whatever. And I wish… I didn’t want it to end like that.”

Gordon ignored how vague his apology was, knowing pressing it probably wouldn’t do anything.

“How did you want it to end?” He asked softly, sitting down next to him. Benrey sniffed again.

“I don’t know,” He said miserably, “Just wanted to… go home. N stop- stop yelling at me, just wanted to be friends. We should’ve been friends but you  _ hate _ me.”

“I… look, I’m sorry too.” Gordon said. Benrey’s face wrinkled.

“Why? B- Bullshit. You don’t-”

“I am. Not for  _ everything _ , because you put me through hell and I’m  _ not _ forgetting that. But I… also may not have been the nicest. So I’m sorry.”

“Yeahit’scoolI’mnotthatmadanyway.” Benrey mumbled, pulling his knees up to his chest. Gordon cocked an eyebrow.

“Really? I wouldn’t blame you if you were.”

“I don’t think I’m mad. I think… I think I’m just sad. Yuh, you’re su- you’re supposed to cry when you’re sad, right?”

“Yeah.” Gordon couldn’t keep the amusement out of his voice.

“Fuckin… laugh it up, man, I bet you like seeing me cry. Sick fuck.”

“I don’t,” Gordon frowned, “I don’t- Benrey, I- I dunno. I haven’t forgiven you, but I’ve processed… a lot of the shit that happened by now. And I’m not mad. I don’t like seeing you upset.”

“Wouldn’t blame you if you did.” Benrey echoed his words softly. Gordon’s face crumpled. Benrey looked a lot like he had right before Gordon killed him last time. Small, powerless. Hands trembling. 

Gordon reached out and put his hand on Benrey’s shoulder. Benrey jerked under his touch.

“What are you- fuckin, ga-”

“Shut up.” Gordon cut him off with a groan. Benrey fell silent. He relaxed minutely, the hands around his knees unclasping. The sounds of gunfire still echoed faintly from inside the casino, but it didn’t seem to be approaching. Besides, nobody had called for them. It almost reminded Gordon of Black Mesa and having to take refuge just out of range of the soldiers, never sure if they were truly safe or not.

He felt a surge of something- pity? protectiveness? -that made him slide his arm further around Benrey and pull him closer. Benrey made a muffled noise but let himself be moved, knees sliding down. He leaned into Gordon’s shoulder and Gordon lay his chin on Benrey’s head.

“For the record, I didn’t want it to end like that either,” He said. Benrey blinked, “I had no idea you were gonna be the boss. I mean, it made sense in hindsight, but… man.” 

“Yeah. Fucked up.” Benrey said. Gordon chuckled. A realization struck him.

“Hey, I guess we finally did it.” 

“Whuh?”

“Like you said, right? Kiss and make up. It took us a few months, but…” Gordon shrugged. A small smile played on Benrey’s face and he squinted up at Gordon.

“I didn’t say that shit.”

“Wh- Yes you did!”

“Fuckin… no way. You’re making shit up. I didn’t- that’s dumb.” Benrey pulled out of the hug to look at him properly, a look of incredulous amusement on his face. It was the most emotion he could recall seeing.

“You said that! Do  _ not _ fucking start this Benrey, oh my god, you said that! When we were in the- the fucking void together. I swear to god.” Gordon pointed an accusatory finger at him but couldn’t help from smiling too.

“Nuh, I didn’t- I don’t remember. I think you’re makin’ shit up.”

“Do you remember  _ anything _ you’ve said after it leaves your mouth?” 

“...Nope.” Benrey grinned. Gordon threw his head back and laughed until tears prickled in his eyes. Leave it to Benrey to make him feel a million different things in just a few minutes, “And s’not like you even kissed me, anyway. So all we did was make up.” He continued. Gordon laughed harder.

“What are you  _ talking _ about?”

“Only went one for two, man, gotta do better than that.” Benrey nudged his shoulder. The smile he was wearing made him look… good. Gordon’s laughter died on his tongue, caught up in how Benrey looked in the fading light.

“A-Are you telling me to kiss you?” He blurted. The grin slid off Benrey’s face in an instant and he sputtered. Gordon desperately backtracked, “I didn’t- I just- You said that shit all the time at Black Mesa, y’know? All ‘wanna kiss’ and whatever, I didn’t mean-”

“You um, could though?” He interrupted, barely loud enough for Gordon to hear. Gordon’s train of thought tumbled to a halt. After all the teasing in Black Mesa, after the… suffice it to say  _ conflicting _ feelings he had about Benrey, for all of their small moments of connection, he’d never entertained the thought that he could actually kiss him.

He wished he could say that time stood still as he considered it, so the silence that stretched out between them wasn’t awkward. It could’ve; time had frozen around him before, but it wouldn’t have even made a difference because it was  _ Benrey, _ who could apparently disregard the stoppage of time. Time didn’t stop, though, it kept inching along as the sun crept down through the clouds and kissed the treetops. Benrey’s wide eyes fixed on him with an intensity that made his head spin. It reminded him of the strange void they shared weeks ago. There was nothing else except in the world except for Benrey.

When he could remember where his mouth was again, he swallowed and tried to speak.

“I could?” He asked quietly. Benrey blinked, seemingly having forgotten what he said. Then he snorted.

“Yeah. You could. If you wanted.”

“Cool.” He swallowed again. His tongue felt thick in his mouth but he wanted to lean in so badly, wanted to tell Benrey it was okay. That things might’ve been fucked up already, but they didn’t have to be worse. They could be okay. He shoved the anxiety welling up in his chest to the side in favor of shifting to face Benrey a little better.

Gordon put a hand on Benrey’s shoulder, then slid it further to cup the back of his head. Benrey’s hair was soft under his fingers. He leaned in slowly, giving Benrey time to pull away if it was just another one of his jokes. God, he hoped it wasn’t a joke.

Benrey’s eyes slipped shut as he met Gordon’s lips. He was warmer than Gordon expected, with a heat thrumming under his skin that reminded him of his intensity back in Black Mesa. Gordon kissed him gently, half-waiting for him to pull away and crack a joke, but Benrey surprised him by wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him in further.

He made a muffled sound into Benrey’s mouth and deepened the kiss, feeling Benrey smile against him. When he finally pulled away Benrey dropped his head against his shoulder.

“Two for two. Nice.” He mumbled. Gordon smacked his shoulder lightly.

“Shut the fuck up.” He said into Benrey’s hair. Benrey’s arms slid down to his sides then wrapped around his middle. 

“Nahhh.” Gordon felt more than heard Benrey’s words, his lips pressed to Gordon’s neck. He was content to stay there, but a burst of gunfire from nearby reminded him of where they were.

“Shit,” He said, getting to his feet. Benrey slid reluctantly away from him, “Guess we’re not done here.”

“Gotta kill some more boot boys. You got enough ammo n shit?” Benrey asked, drawing his guns. His face was red but his eyes were focused. Gordon flushed as he remembered why he’d come out here in the first place.

“Uh, no. I was looking for ammo, and then…”

“Got distracted by Benny-boy’s bangin’ lips, yeah, I get it,” Benrey cackled, “Here.” He tossed some more ammo Gordon’s way. Gordon caught it, sputtering.

“No, hey- Fuck you, I wasn’t- Whatever.”

“Gotta do everything around here.” Benrey rolled his eyes as Gordon loaded his gun. Gordon glared at him, but the weight of it was countered by the smile that he couldn’t keep off his face.

“Let’s just go, man.”

“Yeah, aight. Don’t gotta tell me to kill people twice.” Benrey shrugged and then was off, leaving Gordon to scramble after him. He disappeared into the darkness of one of the hallways back into the casino, but Gordon wasn’t afraid to be alone with him this time.

  
  
  


“So umm. What now?” Benrey asked, finally dropping his flamethrower. He surveyed the room around him. It was full of the burnt or shot corpses of soldiers. He realized that Gordon had said something, “Wha?”

“I said we go home,” Gordon rolled his eyes, “Darnold should be here with our getaway pretty soon. We split the money and we lay low for a little while I think.”

“Oh.” Benrey swallowed. The joy and adrenaline from the past few hours rushed out of him. He didn’t have a home anymore.

“I can’t wait to go home and relax!” Coomer said.

“I’m gonna- I’m gonna buy Sunkist a new bed!” 

“That’s all? You- You know that with this much money you could buy- I mean, you could buy hundreds of beds.” Gordon said. Tommy frowned.

“Why would I buy hundreds of beds? Sunkist is- she’s big, but she’s only o- one dog.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Gordon.” Bubby said. Gordon threw up his hands.

“Okay, okay! I was just trying to say we’ve got- it’s a lot of money. More than buying a dog bed kinda money.”

“Alright, Science Team, are you ready to go?” Darnold’s voice came through. 

“Hellllll yes.” Benrey said, grabbing a bag. 

“Okay, just, head on out the back! I’ll meet you there and we shouldn’t run into any more trouble, but keep your eyes out just in case!”

“Will do, Darnold. Thanks, man.” Gordon and the others picked up bags as well and started down one of the back hallways. Benrey picked up his flamethrower again. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever need to use it again, but just in case, right?

There was a large van behind the casino, and squinting through the tinted windows told him Darnold was behind the wheel. They all piled in together and Benrey found himself crushed against Gordon’s side. He tried to keep his eyes on anything but Gordon. The memory of his lips raced through his mind but he pushed it aside. It wasn’t time for feelings, it was time for leaving. Time to lay low for a while. He could do that, probably. 

His stomach churned as the others talked around him, sharing stories from the moments they hadn’t all been together. Tommy had plenty of kills to gloat about. None of them were looking at him, which was fine. If they looked at him they might ask questions, might ask what he was planning to do, where he was going to stay, things he didn’t have the answers to. Things he didn’t want to think about. A treacherous beam of Sweet Voice escaped his lips, lighting the back of the van up with an orangey glow. The others stopped talking immediately. 

“B-brass like a horn means, means, I’m forlorn,” Tommy said after a moment, “Wh-what’s wrong, Benrey?”

“Whuh,” Benrey decided to play dumb, “You gotta um, check your dictionary man. I’m uhh, fine. Good.”

“A-are you sure? You know you can um, talk to me.” Tommy looked concerned. He knew that, knew Tommy had his back. But the others were there and he was pretty sure he could collapse if he had another heart-to-heart with Gordon so soon. So he sat there, mouth a flat line, trying to keep the Sweet Voice back.

Bubby shrugged and started talking to Coomer again, something about his tube and being glad it was finally gone for good. Benrey shrank further into his seat, wishing he could just clip the hell out of here. He couldn’t, though, whatever had put him back also decided that he didn’t get to do cool shit anymore. At least he still couldn’t die.

A leg pressed against his own and he jumped.

“You good, man?” Gordon asked in a low voice. Benrey swallowed.

“Fine.” He tried, but more Sweet Voice burbled out along with the words. Gordon frowned at him.

“What’s going on, man?”

“S’nothing. You don’t gotta uh, worry. Would use up too many of your braincells anyway, don’t think you have any to spare.” He hoped the jab would make Gordon leave him alone. It had the opposite effect and Gordon shifted in his seat to better face him.

“No, come on man, not this again. Talk to me.”

“It’s not a big deal,” He insisted. Gordon knocked their knees together impatiently and Benrey sighed.

“Benrey. You can talk to me.”

“Fuckin… Said it’s time to go home, right?” Benrey said thickly. Gordon nodded, “Don’t got a home anymore. All gone.”

“Shit. Well, We have all this money now, right? You could buy a house.” Gordon said. Benrey blinked.

“Buy a house?”

“Yeah. Benrey, have you… have you bought anything in your life?” The corner of his mouth twitched and Benrey frowned at him.

“Yeah. Games. Uh, Heavenly Sword, bought it um. On release.”

“That game came out in 2007.”

“Whuh, yeah, okay. What year is it?”

“What ye-” Gordon stared at him, “Nevermind, you are  _ not _ buying a house, I don’t think you even know what the economy is.”

“What? Er- ergonomic? I know that shit bro, it’s when the- y’know when your gamer chair is all-”

“ _ Economy _ , Benrey.”

“S’what I said.”

“...Okay,” Gordon sighed, leaning his head against the headrest. There was a faint smile on his face, “But, shit, I… really don’t trust you to live on your own. No offense. But the- the world has rules, y’know?”

“I follow rules. Not like you, stealing all the time.” Benrey nudged him with his leg. 

“Shut up. The world doesn’t work on your weird, convoluted moral scale. You should probably stay with- probably one of us. I don’t know how a… normal person would take to having you as a roommate.”

“Not it!” Bubby yelled. Benrey jumped. He hadn’t even realized anybody else was listening to their conversation. His face burned a little.

“I’m afraid I have to agree with Dr. Bubby!” Coomer said, “Our house is… otherwise occupied.”

“Oh, you two are living together? Nice. Tommy, what about you?” Gordon asked. 

“I-I’m sorry Mr. Freeman, my apartment um, doesn’t allow more than one pet.” He said. Benrey watched Gordon’s face go from shock to screwing up in laughter so quickly it made his stomach flip.

“I-” he said through a fit of laughter, “I don’t think that’s very nice to Benrey.”

“Nah, c’mon Tommy, I can be uhhh, a good pet. Landlord won’t even notice. Won’t even tear up the furniture.”

“I have space at home.” Gordon blurted. Benrey swung his head around to face him. He looked a little bit like he hadn’t meant to say anything.

“O-Oh, that’d be perfect!” Tommy said, “You can- you can be roommates!”

“Uh, cool, yeah. You want uh, extra cool roommate Benny? That’s cool. Nuh, no promises on the furniture thing, that’s a Tommy-exclusive deal.”

“Oh god.” Gordon groaned. Despite the look on his face, he slid a hand over to Benrey’s leg and squeezed gently. Reassurance. Benrey leaned against him as subtly as he could while Gordon rubbed a circle on the top of his thigh with his thumb.

Benrey let his eyes fall shut again. Being suddenly cast into reality again scared him, especially in the beginning when Gordon had been looking at him like… that. But only a few hours later, there he was with Gordon pressed against him, reassuring him, silently telling him that it would be okay. Some part of him wished he’d done this sooner. Broken down, actually tried telling Gordon how he felt before it was too late. That same part of him knew it wouldn’t have worked. It had been too late from the very beginning, but they figured out how to work around it. 

Sometimes you wait until it’s too late and you have to suffer the consequences. Sometimes,  _ sometimes _ , if you’re lucky, you get a second chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! See you soon for the next chapter.


End file.
